Caught in a Bad Bromance
by Noodles Bamboodles
Summary: A series of one-shots about our three favorite Titan guys: Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy. No pairings and no slash
1. We Fight All the Time

Yes, every chapter title is named after song titles/lyrics. And the title of this fic _still_ makes me smile :)

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Chapter One—We Fight All the Time

_3, 2, 1…Go!_

"Outta my way, Boy Wonder!"

"Not a chance, Tin Man!"

"Well, take _that,_ Acrobat!"

"Oh, _no you didn't, _Metal Brains!"

"See ya' at the finish line, Gel Head!"

Robin pounded fiercely at his game controller in a mad dash to catch up to Cyborg. His head grew hotter and hotter as his competitive nature took over.

"HA! Got ya' _there, didn't_ _I,_ Car Freak?"

"Why you little—! Oh, _it's on_, Traffic Light!"

Now it was Cyborg's circuits heating up, his only goal in life to beat his opponent beside him.

"No elbowing, Cyborg!"

"No kicking, Robin!"

"I can see you hacking into the game through your controller, _Cyborg!_"

"Well, I can see you sneaking out a flash-bang grenade to blind me, _Robin!_"

The two pushed and prodded each other so intensely they were fighting more in real life then in the video game.

"_Get your cape out of my face!"_

"_Get your hand off my controller!"_

Holding Robin in a head-lock, Cyborg took his chance to get in the lead as his leader struggled to breathe.

"_HA!"_

Robin twisted his head out from the crook of Cyborg's arm and positioned himself to sit on top of the metallic back, never taking his eyes off the TV.

"_Ha, HA!"_

Cyborg easily threw Robin's light body off of him and abandoned the game altogether to hold the masked boy down. They fought for a few minutes, both trying to reach the game controllers before the other.

"I won!" The struggling boys froze and lifted their heads to look over at Beast Boy (who'd they forgotten was even playing), sitting on the edge of his seat, an incredulous expression on his face. "I actually _won!_ I've _never_ won before!"

He stared at the screen happily for another moment before he was overtaken by the angry fists of Robin and Cyborg.


	2. Wanna Be Like You

A/N: Ok, so some of them _will_ be a little serious.

* * *

Chapter Two—Wanna Be Like You

"Just _do it_, Beast Boy!"

"I _can't!_"

"_Yes…_" Robin growled through his teeth, "You _can._" He gripped his left shoulder in his right hand to hold it in place and suppressed a painful moan. "_Now, Beast Boy…!"_

"Ok…" Beast Boy moved awkwardly to Robin's side. His arm had been popped out of its socket during the battle still rampant behind their stone protection. Beast Boy gingerly placed his hands on either side of the shoulder and took a deep breath.

As quickly as he could, and before he ran out of courage, Beast Boy changed into a gorilla and snapped the arm back in its rightful place with a sickening 'pop'.

"_AHHH! rrrrghh…"_ Robin shut his mouth over the burning feeling and began to massage it to a dulling ache. After a few minutes, he stood up, rolled his arm in wide circles to test it out, said with a slight tremor in his voice, "Thanks, Beast Boy. I owe ya' one," and ran back out into the fray, making sure to favor his right side.

"Heh, yeah…you owe me…" Beast Boy said weakly after Robin had already gone. He sat there, dumbfounded, and stared at Robin raging on as if nothing had happened.

Beast Boy silently watched him leap at his robot adversary, kick it, and then launch another over his back to slam it into a robot nearby.

He wondered if Robin could teach him to fight like that one day.

* * *

A/N: I love Beast Boy's hero worshipping :)


	3. School's Out Forever

Chapter Three—School's Out Forever

"What'd'ja do, _fail_ High School?" Robin laughs.

Cyborg's face suddenly turns cold. "No. I dropped out." He looks away.

Robin's frozen. He wonders if he dropped because of his…_accident_.

"I…I'm sorry, Cyborg. I didn't know."

"It's fine, man. No biggie."

There's a moment of awkward silence before Beast Boy can't take it any longer. "Come on, dude; don't feel bad. I didn't finish school either!"

"Yeah, we figured," Cyborg grins at him to lighten the mood just a little more.

"Hey! My family travelled to Africa a lot, and then I joined the Doom Patrol, and I never went to public school, so…" he trails off.

"What about you, man?" They both turn to Robin now, who turns beat red.

"I…was home-schooled when I was little, but I went a private school when I moved to Gotham…" No one mentions how they're all avoiding the crisis's that happened in their young lives. Robin just prays they drop the subject.

"So you dropped too, or what?"

"No…I graduated high school _before_ I came to Jump City..." He doesn't make eye contact.

"You _what?_"

"I thought you were only 15!"

"Yeah, heh heh," he rubs the back of his head, embarrassed. "That was one of the reasons I was allowed to come here at all."

"Well…" Cyborg starts. They're really starting to hate all these awkward silences this conversation is bringing. "Guess that makes you the _nerd._" There's a grin on his face like he's just found out Robin's secret identity.

Robin scowls. But he lets it pass. Just this _once_.


	4. We Are the Titans

A/N: This annoyingly pointless chapter is dedicated to anonymous reviewers, because I can't tell you "Thanks" personally and I feel bad because of it.

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Chapter Four—We Are the Titans

"Because we're Titans!" Robin cheered, enthusiastically pumping him arm. "We rule the earth!"

But Beast Boy was sullen and sarcastic and tired from all the training and sick of Robin's high spirits. "Yeah, until we eat our immortal kids and then barf 'em up because Starfire feeds us mustard and wine."

"Oooh! I had not thought of such a combination!" Putting her hands together happily, Starfire floated a few inches off the ground. "Tell me, how do I acquire this wine?"

Cyborg slapped the back of Beast Boy's head. "Thanks for the mythology lesson, _genius_." None of them wanted Starfire to experiment with any more food.

* * *

A/N: I was reading Percy Jackson and thought of this. According to legend, when the titans ruled the earth, Cronus (the king titan guy) swallowed his children (the gods) to keep them from taking over. His wife hid Zeus from him, who came back to trick Cronus into drinking mustard and wine to throw up his brothers and sisters and take over.


	5. Robin

A/N: Ok, here's the first of the three mini-arcs. So each Titan guy will have one chapter from the point-of-view of another Titan guy about their arcs in the show.

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Chapter Five—Robin

The one thing that truly bugged Cyborg during Robin's short-lived apprenticeship was a very important detail that would have been killing the young leader had it been real. Robin was _not_ a follower.

So when he and Raven finally condemned the poor boy to being a traitor, there was something wrong nagging in the back of his mechanical brain and it wasn't because he thought Robin was too much of a goodie-two-shoe to join Slade. Stories had carried from Gotham after all.

No, in that exact moment when he first believed Robin was an apprentice to Slade, Cyborg wondered how the boy could live with that decision; to willingly place himself subordinate to another master when he had come to Jump City to be free of the Batman's shadow in the first place.

Because of this, Cyborg knew he would _never_ have given up on trying to save Robin.


	6. Freak Like Me

A/N: I stole some tech lingo from the episode "Stranded". Please don't hate me for it ;)

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Chapter Six—Freak Like Me

"Ok, now we take this thermal coupler for sonic stabilization and attach it to the VO relay wheel," Robin lectured, pointing to the different parts in Cyborg's back.

Beast Boy drooled.

"We take this thing that looks like a donut and put it right next to the pizza slice with eyes."

"Gotchya."

"Then we fasten it to the—"

"_English…!_"

"We screw it on."

Robin did as he was instructing and then reached for the next piece. Before he could touch it, Cyborg snatched it and turned around to face his teammates. "Look, thanks for the help and everything, but I can take care of myself now, all right?"

"But we still need to change the quantum—"

"I can take _care_ of it, ok ? !" Robin recoiled from the force of Cyborg's words and the animosity at which they were said.

"Cyborg…is something _wrong?_"

Cyborg averted his eyes. "Nothing…I just don' like you guys talkin' about me like I'm some kind of _freak._"

"Cyborg, you're not a freak—"

Beast Boy took that inopportunity to start laughing his head off, probably at another stupid discovery he had made about a mechanical part. Robin and Cyborg were both surprised to see Beast Boy come up to their side and say, "Of course you're a freak. We _have_ to be freaks. By the way, what does this thing do?" He held up a thing-a-ma-bob to his eye and looked through it at their stunned expressions.

Robin crossed his arms. "Beast Boy, we are _not_ freaks."

"Sure we are." He shrugged and put the part on the table. "Any one of us could be our own one-man-circus. It's not offending, it's just a fact." Still, the other two boys didn't look at ease. "Ok, look," he ticked off his fingers, "we got a half-metal giant, a mustard-eating alien, the daughter of a demon, a really awesome _green vegetarian_ (how ironic is _that?_), and the obsessive dude with no powers leads us. How much more freakish can you get?"

This finally elicited smiles out of the two who then caught each others' eye and began to chuckle. Beast Boy turned to Robin with a pointed finger. "And don't you laugh, Boy Traffic Light, you're our leader. You're King of the Freaks."

"Yeah? And what does that make you?" Robin sneered.

"The Gosh Darn Beast Boy!" He put his hands on his hips and struck a pose. Cyborg smacked him playfully on the shoulder from where he sat, but Beast Boy was only happy to have put his best friend in a better mood.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I also stole some of Beast Boy's lines from Frank Miller's _Dark Knight strikes again/All-Star Batman and Robin,_ where Batman says, "Of course we're criminals. We have to be criminals" and calls himself…the adult version of "Gosh Darn" ;)

And BB's comment about everyone being in a one-man-circus made me sad to write because that's where he was in the episode _'How Long is Forever?' _D:


	7. If You Like To Talk To Tomatoes

Chapter Seven—If You Like To Talk To Tomatoes…

"Is _not._"

"Is _too._"

"Is _not!_"

"Is _too!_"

"And where's your proof? Have you ever _once_ done research on this?"

"Man, I don't _need_ research; it's common sense! Fruits have seeds. _Tomatoes_ have seeds. Therefore tomatoes are fruits!"

"Look, I _know_ about this kind of stuff. I lived in _Gotham._ The Tariff Act of March 3, 1883 required a tax to be paid on imported vegetables, but not fruit. And _the tomato was taxed!_"

"But it has _seeds!_ I worked in my mama's garden enough to learn _that._"

Suddenly, Beast Boy popped out of nowhere to interject. "Botanically, a tomato is a fruit because it is a seed-bearing structure growing from the flowering part of a plant. But in the 1893 court case, Nix v. Hedden, the U.S. Supreme court ruled that a tomato would be classified as a vegetable for tax reasons based on the ways in which it is used and despite its botanical fruit definition. So scientifically it's a fruit, but politically it's a vegetable."

There was a moment of stunned silence.

"Wow…" Robin muttered.

"Man…just hearing him say a _big word_ like 'botanical' is freaky. Say it again!" Cyborg urged Beast Boy.

Robin wasn't quite convinced. "How do you know all this stuff?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm a vegetarian," he answered simply and walked off into the sunset.

* * *

A/N: Seriously, go check out the Wikipedia page for this court case. It's real. And yes, I stole exact quotes from Wiki. I'm a regular Red X.

And while you're at it, look at _Toy Biz v. United States_, distinguishing whether action figures are 'toys' or 'dolls.' :D


	8. You Could Be a Hero

A/N: There are so many references in here that the explanation of where I stole each of them from would be too ridiculously long.

* * *

Chapter Seven—You Could Be a Hero

"That's the dumbest idea I think I've ever heard come out of your mouth. And that's saying something."

Beast Boy pouted. "Oh, come on. What's so crazy about Robin, Raven, and Starfire accidently falling into a wardrobe and coming out into an alternate dimension that's always winter and has goat people that steal your tissues, so that you and me are left to defend the universe from Silkie's mutant clones because Killer Moth, Slade, Trigon, and Brother Blood teamed up to make them super-ninja-cyborg-larvae from Hell?"

Cyborg shook his head patiently. "No, no, no, _that's_ not the problem. The _problem_ is how we _defeat_ them."

"You mean how The-Lady-of-the-Pacific-Ocean gives me the lightsaber, Excalibur, in which I defeat Killer Moth, Slade, Trigon, Brother Blood, and the super-ninja-cyborg-larvae from Hell and get crowned King of the World?"

Cyborg crossed his arms "Yeah. Why do _you_ get to be the hero? What happens to me?"

"Well…" Beast Boy thought for a moment. "I would assume you'd retire from being my sidekick, marry the pretty barkeep that you secretly loved all your life, have 13 kids, be named Mayor of the Shire for seven consecutive seven-year terms, and be reunited with me in the Undying Lands when we get old and die."

Cyborg scoffed. "Nah, man, you got it all wrong! _I'd_ be the hero, and _you'd_ be the sidekick."

"Says who?" Beast Boy asked indignantly.

"It's _obvious!_ I'm smarter, I'm stronger, taller, older, better looking…"

"Hey! That last one crossed the _line!_ I am _way_ better looking. Do you _not_ see The Ears?"

"Oh yeah? If chicks dig the ears so much then where's your girlfriend?"

"Oh, sorry, I couldn't get one because I was too busy worshipping _you_ and your _invisible girlfriend!_"

"Whatever man, you still know you're totally sidekick material. Think about it: you're small, bumbling, and the comic relief guy!"

Having enough, Beast Boy stood on the couch to see eye-to-eye with Cyborg. He set his face in what he thought to be an imposing expression and declared, "Ok, Tin Man; let me tell you _exactly_ why I would _never_ be the sidekick in my right mind. Number one—"

At that moment, Robin walked through the door across the room and aimed for the kitchen. Cyborg saw him and immediately paled, but Beast Boy's back was toward their leader.

"You know what BB?" Cyborg interrupted quickly. "I would _love_ to be the sidekick."

Beast Boy was rather surprised. "…_Really?_"

"Yeah! You know, the sidekick's always the best. You get to make the jokes and…and help the epic hero out, and y'know…stuff like that…" he trailed off.

Robin interjected. "What're you guys talking about?"

When Beast Boy finally realized that the most famous ex-sidekick in the _world _was in the room, he widened his eyes comically and took his time turning around. "Oh, uh…" he placed his hand bashfully behind his head. "Just how _awesome_ it would be to be a sidekick," he laughed nervously.

Robin raised an eyebrow at them.

"I mean, I'd make a _great _sidekick, don'tchya think?" Beast Boy continued. "I'm short, bumbling, and the comic relief guy!" he mimicked Cyborg.

Cyborg nodded. "Me too! 'Cept I'd be one of those kick-butt sidekicks like Kato to the Green Hornet."

Beast Boy turned to him with a scowl. "You would _not._ You'd be one of those dumb, bumbling ones that always needs to be repaired or something. Like the Tin Man from _Wizard of Oz."_

"And you'd be the annoying one that messes things up all the time. Oh wait, _you already are._"

"Oh, ha-ha. You're _sooo_ funny. At least I have a _heart."_

"At least I'm not _green_."

"Wow. _Wow,_ Cyborg, that's _real_ nice. But it _does_ hurt less coming from _C-3PO!_"

"Yeah? And _I_ can take whatever _you_ got,_ Gumby."_

"Whatever you say, _Inspector Gadget._"

"Oh, why don't you just go morph into _Kermit the Frog!"_

"_Aye-aye, __Lieutenant Commander Data!"_

"_Jolly Green MIDGET!"_

"_Iron Giant!"_

_"OSCAR THE GROUCH!"_

"_WALL-E!"_

They continued yelling at each other long after Robin had left the room.


	9. Food, Glorious Food

A/N: I will not apologize for the Big Bang Theory joke I stole. -maniacal laughter-

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Chapter Eight—Food, Glorious Food

"YO TEAM! There's no more food! Who's goin' shoppin'?" Cyborg yelled over his shoulder as he looked through the mold- (or something) infested fridge.

"I just bought a whole thing of Tofu yesterday!" Beast Boy whined from the couch.

"All right, lemme rephrase that. There's no _edible_ food left."

"As apposed to 'inedible food'?" Robin asked, just walking in after hearing the shouting.

"As in Tofu."

"Ah."

"You laugh at me now…" Beast Boy said, standing up and pointing at the two boys dramatically, "…but you'll be _begging_ for tofu when you're all starving!"

"We're starving _now!_" the young leader cried.

Cyborg looked at Robin. "Yeah, like _you_ care! You miss meals all the time when you go into your psycho detective mode. _I'm_ the one suffering here!"

"Do not! I _never_ miss a meal. If anything _I'm_ the one suffering _the most!_ I used to have Alfred's home-cooked meals three times a day and now I have to deal with _this!_ Seriously, can we get a butler?"

"Aw, poor rich boy can't deal with a few hours of hunger."

Robin shook his head and gave him a confused look. "Your dad was a scientist at S.T.A.R. labs, Cyborg. You were rich too."

"Yeah, well, you still didn't have to grow up in the ghetto."

"Neither did you!"

"But I had to go to public school, that's close enough."

"It was the best public school in the _state__._"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME?"

"Look, can someone _please_ just run down to the grocery store and get more food," Robin reasoned, obviously trying to avoid Cyborg's question.

"I _hate_ going to the grocery store." Beast Boy pulled a face. "Those little old ladies are _judgmental!_"

"Order Pizza?" Cyborg advised.

Robin shook his head sadly. "They won't deliver ever since Starfire thought the pizza guy was an attack on the Tower and tried to blow him up."

"So who goes to get it?" asked Cyborg.

They eyed each other warily. At the same time they each stuck out a hand and yelled, "ROCK! PAPER! SCISSORS! LIZARD! SPOCK!"

"Darn! We all picked Spock _again!_"

"This game _never_ works."

* * *

A/N: "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors." ~Sheldon Cooper


End file.
